All the fun of having an online profile

At least once a week I'll get a message from a Dom who either can't read or refuses to bother. This arrived unsolicited just yesterday:

DesperateDom 52M: send a pic to my phone 07758******. follow instruction there after.

Now, normally I just ignore this kind of thing but I was feeling bored. On checking said Dom profile, which honestly even opens with the line "I am extremely Dom and am looking for a new sub" and has some pretty corny poetry about how wonderful he is, I confirm my suspiscions that this is the Greater Spotted DomlyDom in its natural habitat. A quick google of the mobile number shows up the GumTree ads for his book club but not much more.


The temptation is too great.

LeopardLady: Does this usually work? Or do you win them over with the poetry? Do you even bother to read profiles I wonder?
DesperateDom: Actually, I do read profiles. And, sometimes it works. Obviously not with you!
LeopardLady: So I can presume that you think you are a sub then?
DesperateDom: lol. Do you find these corny jokes online, like the rest of your knowledge?

I am left wondering where the corny joke is in my response. If anyone else sees it let me know.

LeopardLady: Well, if you actually read profiles and you decided to send a message to me then I must presume that you are looking for a Mistress, no?


DesperateDom: Apart from the fact that what you have said is insolent and a futile attempt to provoke me.Your profile shows you to be a woman suffering from a delusional and idealistic persona.

Now to be fair I don't exactly go into the everyday reality of life in my profile, such as needing to change the kitty litter every now and then, or the fact that myself and my boy actually share responsibility for the weekly shopping, it is pretty much accurate regarding who I am, what I'm looking for and is based on real experiences up to this point. His, in addition to the awful poetry about how wonderful he is, has a photo of someone's supposedly used panties which he promises are from a sub who was in his stocks. Why he didn't take a photo of the sub in the stocks is not elaborated on...

LeopardLady: I'm not the one having to resort to randomly messaging people on the internet. You opened the discussion so you must be the one looking for something. At least you'll have the book club to fall back on when nobody takes you up on your "offer".
DesperateDom: I never randomly message anyone. YOU should know this!
LeopardLady: Ok, you methodically message every female you can find online the local area in the hope that one of them falls for your "I AM A DOM. DO AS I SAY!" routine. It's not random at all.
DesperateDom: What have I said about futility! Already we both know that YOU need ME in your life!
LeopardLady: I have no trouble believing you are in need of something.

Sadly at this point it becomes quite obvious that there's not even going to be good sport in this one. He resorts to the quite stereotypical stance of "just insult the other person and hope they'll go away" that marks out the Greater Spotted DomlyDom in its least impressive form

DesperateDom: Pathetic! Speak when you actually can contribute to a conversation!

Now I remember why I usually don't even bother. The minor amount of fun it is toying with them is greatly outweighed by the disappointment that they can't actually form a proper retort.