I started this story which is likely to end up short novel in length, but I've got stalled. What might help is releasing some passages from it to see what others think. Is is the right tone? Does it sound like something you want to hear more about? To read all of it click through.
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Chapter 1
I'm not sure when the desire came upon me. It's almost as though it had always been there, quietly hiding, waiting for the opportunity to surface. I knew that it was something that others would find disturbing, even disgusting, but it was deeply embedded in me now and could never be removed.
About me? I was yet another philosophy and psychology student who started doing the course at university without ever having had a real idea of what I'd do with the degree later. I had always been good at school and it was a natural progression that all my teachers and parents had fully encouraged. It wasn't until the second or third year that I suddenly realised that I hadn't really made any kind of plan beyond getting to university. I made friends easily but lost them just as quickly as I wasn't the kind of student who drank to excess, had casual sex or cared much to hang out with those who did. I had a very middle class upbringing and had high social standards compared to my classmates, but I was far from prudish. I was possibly more depraved than them all put together.
I was very used to male attention. Being 5ft 10 without high heels gets you noticed, even more so when you are slim built with long legs and quite like wearing heels that easily make you over 6 ft tall. I tended to keep my hair short and changed its colour at least once a month. When you have pale skin and blue eyes you can make just about any colour look natural. When I first started university I seemed to be as flat chested as any boy but suddenly started developing satisfactorily ample breasts by the end of my second year. I had a lot of male friends, but a lot of male friends who quite obviously just wanted to fuck me. It became quite good sport watching them try and fail to impress me into their beds. They were just silly puppies really with all the sexual vigour of a wet paper bag and it seemed that other girls were more easily impressed by their tricks. Those I turned down only seemed to try harder or would give up, protesting that I must be a lesbian. It was true that I had a few girlfriends in my university days, but that's a story for another time. I was most certainly interested in men, but I was willing to wait for the right kind.
I was different from other girls. I had known this for years, but listening in to the stories of sexual exploits in the first year dorm rooms at night confirmed that my desires were unusual. Other girls confessed to hiding vibrators in their underwear drawers whereas I hid a set of padlocks and some chain. We all giggled over new purchases of lacey undies and g-strings, but I knew I would be the only one with a strict corset carefully wrapped in tissue waiting for the right moment. I had taken to regularly wearing a corset under my clothing as a form of training and had managed to reduce my waistline from 28 inches to 22 quite comfortably and to 20 inches for short times with the heavier boned one. It did offer me the ability to wear dresses at least one size too small for me without anyone suspecting that my silhouette was not all natural. It certainly drew a lot of attention when I would go out even modestly dressed as it appears that men are intrigued by the curve of a woman's hip as much as they are by their breasts.
It was too risky in the dorms for me to make much use of the chain and other bondage materials I acquired over time. Some nights I would bind my legs with sash cord I bought at a hardware store and then bind my hands together in the small of my back with a shorter length. I could happily lie there for hours feeling secure and upon releasing myself I would bring myself to climax using my fingers being careful not to wake the girl I shared a room with. One night I had assumed she was not coming home and was dozing in my own fantasy world whilst neatly bound. I had restrained myself at the ankles and knees with tight loops of the rope that were in turn secured to the bottom posts of our bunk. I was careful to insist on the top bunk on the first day. Then passing a double length of cord between my legs and securing both ends to the top posts I made it so that the rope pulled up tight against my crotch. Again I tied my hands in the small of my back and then enjoyed struggling a little against my own device. That was when my bunk-mate chose to return home with her boyfriend, both very drunk, who stumbled, laughed and clambered their way into the lower bunk. If they had seen me they made no indication of it and proceeded to fuck in that loud way that only drunk people can. I froze silently at first, fearful of being discovered in my predicament and considered releasing myself. But the fear was a turn on, and listening to them even more so. If I was discovered now, would this drunken pair take advantage of me? I had after all made it obvious that I was some kind of pervert. Their rocking motion made the flimsy bunk move and sway and pull the rope between my legs forward and back ever so slightly so that before long I was wet, frustrated and longing to climax, still bound and vulnerable. I came shortly after they did, forcing myself to be silent and waiting until light snoring came from below before I released myself and hid the ropes before going to sleep.
I digress. It seems hard to tell this story without going off on a few tangents. I knew that bondage was something I enjoyed, although my experience lay only in self-bondage having not yet found a willing partner. Being responsible for my own escape left me feeling far from powerless and ultimately unsatisfied. Having no control over my release would come naturally when I found a partner, but that would be quite some time away. For some of you who don't understand, bondage isn't necessarily about kinky sex and the feeling of helplessness and confinement is its own reward. That night in the dorm was the first time the thought occurred to me that sexual stimulation was something that could happen without another person even touching you. They had not meant to tease me, certainly, but I had been powerless to stop them. Before I had been happy just to lie in bondage and sometimes drift off to sleep, but now I wanted more. I wanted what was to prove difficult to achieve.
I started to experiment. Second year meant moving out of dorms and into student houses which I did with a group of 3 other girls who were on my course. We took over a slightly run down town-house which spanned 3 floors with all the public rooms on the ground floor, three bedrooms and large bathroom on the upper floor and a single bedroom with washing facilities in the attic space. It was the least well looked after of all the rooms but I took it, managing not to look keen about it and so paid a little less in rent than the others. The beams were left exposed in the ceiling spaces, the bed was an old four-poster that had been moved out of the now very modern bedrooms downstairs and it was almost impossible to hear the rest of the house with the door at the bottom of the tight stairwell closed. It was perfect for me. In no time at all I was moving my small collection of posessions into the room and finding new places to hide my more special items.
I got my computer set up and for the first time I searched the internet for self-bondage articles. I had thought that I would find nothing, but there was a whole world of other people out there who liked the things that I did. Most seemed to be men, but their tips were no less useful. I learned how to set up timed releases using ice, putting timers onto lights so I could see combination locks only after a certain time and how to build fail safe steps into my plans. I bought better rope, pieces of chain, a set of leather cuffs and collar I could lock and even accompanied the other girls to a house party where a rep from a adult toy shop was hosting a little demonstration of their most popular products. I was not alone in taking a few things home that night. I even took another girl home, but again that's a story for another time.
No matter how well I had myself bound or set up a complicated release there was still no way I had of not controlling the sexual stimulation. A dildo could be in a position I could move against, or trapped inside, but I couldn't set up a way of making it move itself the way the unsteady bunk had moved the crotch rope. Vibrators could be on or off and I couldn't set them to do this randomly either. I still had control over when and how I climaxed which wasn't what I wanted. Was I going to have to wait to find my partner before being truly satisfied? So far there had been nobody I was even interested in enough to divulge my fantasies let alone someone who was amenable to them.
I turned once again to the internet and research remote controlled sex toys and so called fucking machines, but all of them assumed self operation or a partner and lacked the random, unpredictable and uncontrollable element I needed in my solo explorations. It seemed such a simple thing to add, but obviously I was not the usual customer for these things. After studying each night I would be online until late into the evening searching, reading, chatting to others like me. Then one night a message popped onto my screen.
X would like to start a chat with you. Accept?
I was bored and so I clicked "yes". Normally I would have just ignored the request, as being one of few females visiting bondage sites I was usually subject to a lot of attention from lonely men the world over. I had created an email account just for surfing with and used it on a few contact profiles to find other likeminded people and also set up the instant messaging account that I used to chat to people all over the world. There were no names on my contact list older than a few weeks as I tended to find that once they figured out I wasn't interested in webcam chats or cybersex that they stopped talking.
X: Hi. Is that you Toya?
I was taken by surprise I had never used my real name online.
X: It's Alex here. Andy's friend. We met at a housewarming last weekend.
I had indeed been at a friend's housewarming party.
Me: How did you get my details? I don't recall giving them out to anyone.
X: You didn't. You left your book behind and your email was on the bookmark
I had scribbled down my new email address on the back of a postcard I had been using as a bookmark so that I would remember it.
Me: I wondered where that had got to.
X: I can drop it round any time.
Me: Why didn't you just email me?
X: I pretty much live in front of a computer and I thought I'd see if you used instant messenger too
If someone just put my email address into the instant messenger program they didn't have access to any of the profiles I had on websites. I felt quite relieved as I had worried that someone I knew had found out my secrets.
Me: I must admit I met so many people I can't quite place you.
X: I was the tall, dark, amazingly handsome one!
Me: uh-huh?
X: You remember the quiet guy who lives in the other room in the flat? That's me.
Me: The one who makes gadgets for amusement and likes foreign movies?
X: That's me.
Me: Well, I'm glad you got in touch. You seemed to disappear half way through the night.
X: I found many of Andy's friends annoying and decided I was better off out the way.
Me: Me too. You were one of the only ones I enjoyed talking to.
X: That's probably an indicator of insanity.
Me: What was it you're studying again?
X: I'm not. I make gadgets for a living.
Me: What kind of gadgets?
X: Anything I'm asked really. I do props and special effects for theatres among other things.
Me: Sounds fun
X: It does, doesn't it. Pretty boring at the moment unfortunately.
Me: What are you doing just now?
X: Macbeth. Minimalist style. I made 20 white boxes of various sizes today.
Me: Oh dear.
X: Still, opening night tomorrow so I'll get something new to do soon.
Me: Where is it playing?
X: The Royal Theatre
Me: I might check it out.
X: It will look awful. But if you want to see it come down tomorrow. My shout.
Me: That's very generous of you.
X: No, just sensible. I get free tickets and I am there anyway. This way you come to me for the book!
Me: I may just have to save you the walk then.
X: Excellent. Show starts at seven.
(to be continued)
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